Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Listen Carefully Or Not At All

When my adoption journey ended up being harder than I thought it was going to be, I ended up hearing comments like this...

"You don't have to do this."

"Nothing is final yet."

While both of those statements were true, neither were helpful.

I didn't have to adopt.  I didn't have to hang in there when the going got tough.  But I'm so thankful I did.  

For the first six months to a year nothing is final.  I could have backed out.  But I'm so thankful I didn't.

If you are in the thick of an adoption and people who care about you are having trouble watching you struggle, don't get frustrated.  Gently explain that hearing that you could throw in the towel over and over again makes it more of an option than it should be.

When you brought this kid into your home, you signed on for the good and the bad.  Listening to others who urge you to give up will wear on you.  You'll start thinking about how good it was before the new one moved in.  You'll forget why you signed up in the first place.  You'll start longing for the peace and quiet that giving in will bring.

But will you really have that peace?  Will you really be able to drop her off and drive away with no strings attached.  I don't think so.  I wouldn't have.

I had to do something about the "you don't have to do this" comments.  I had to pick and choose who I poured my heart out to.  I had to play it close to the vest for a while.  I had to get past the point of wanting to return her before I could be brutally honest about what it was like.  

I had to.  Otherwise, I would have listened to them.

I started pouring my heart out to God.  I started bringing my complaints and my hurts to Him.  He helped me.  he comforted me.  He gave me the strength I needed to carry on.  Even when it was hard.  Even when I didn't want to.  Even when it would have been easier to give up.

He had given me the job and now He was giving me what I needed to do it.

For those of you in the middle of it, I say hold on.  For those of you supporting those in the middle of it, I say drop off a meal, send a card or bring flowers.  Tulips are my favorite.

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