In case you were wondering, I have not arrived. I do not have it all together. I do not do all things well.
Most days I say the wrong things, act the wrong way and, if you could see the motives of my heart, you'd never speak to me again. I'm not Supermom.
Sorry to have to break that to you.
I can hold it together pretty good for a while. If you come over for a visit you might not be able to see it right away. You might think I'm someone I'm not. So I feel the need to point this out. I'm just like you. Actually, you're probably a lot better.
Now that we have that out of the way...
Today is day #471 with Amy.
I'm not joking.
Do you know what that means?
It means I'm still 259 days away from our two year mark.
Do you know what that means?
It means my days are a lot tougher than they will be in approximately 259 days.
I say all that to say...
I'm considering hibernating this fall and winter.
So 471 days ago Amy moved into our home. We love her. She is a part of our family. She will be forever. There is absolutely no question about that. Knowing that doesn't make today any easier.
Today my day will be filled with reminders to work, reminders to tell the truth, reminders to use kind words, reminders to follow directions, reminders to use table manners and reminders to consider others. Oh, and she will spend the day by my side.
My reminders will be followed by discussions of what should have been done differently, responsibility taking papers, apologies given to those who were hurt, second chances and more discussions of what should have been done differently.
At some point, tears will be shed and a full blown fit may ensue. This day has that possibility.
I'm already tired just thinking about the character training that will have to take place today. It's everyday. It's all day. It's from the moment she wakes until the moment she goes back to sleep. It's my day.
But do you know what the best part is? This only lasts for a season. Not the character training, that lasts as long as they're under my care. I'm talking about the constant training. There will come a day, and it's not too far away, that she won't need me to help her consider others. She won't need me to help her be honest. She will use kind words because it's the right thing to do, rather than because I'm listening.
That day is coming. It might not seem like it today, but it is.
I want you to know that I am still in the trenches. I don't always say what I should and I often say what I shouldn't. I've not got this all figured out because each kid is different and what worked on the last one will not necessarily work on this one. I do the best I can and when I fail, because I often fail, I apologize and do my best to make it right. It's all I can do.
So while I may not be as crazy as I was the first time around, the work is still work, the beginning is still hard, and the days still seem to drag.
But not for much longer. After all, it's day #471.