Tuesday, September 10, 2013

I Think It Was Me

We live across the street from my grandma, the girls' great-grandma.  Today my older two are over there helping her do a few things around the house.  Aside from eating lunch with them, Amy and I have had the whole day to ourselves.  



It got me thinking about something.  I think the first time around, when I first got Hannah, I may have been the problem.  

I'm serious.  I have issues.  Just ask my family.  They have a list.  It's pretty long.

Back then I thought I knew what it was going to be like.  I thought I had this whole adoption thing pegged.

I thought wrong.

I didn't know anything.

So I fussed and struggled and complained and made life miserable.  It was one nine-year-old.  Seriously.  I look back now and think, "What was wrong with me?"

To be honest, I made the whole thing harder than it needed to be.  

I try not to be too hard on myself from back then.  After all, I had no idea things were going to ever get better.  Experience is an excellent teacher and this third time around is still a lot of work, but it's not the emotional roller coaster the first one was.

So I sit back today and enjoy my time with the new one.  I appreciate the path I've walked.  I appreciate the changes I've seen, not in her, but in me.  I appreciate the day I can have with her, because today I'm different.

I think it was me all along.


2 comments:

Ashley Kempf said...

You did just what you thought you needed to do. You always do. Remain true to yourself and do what you believe is right--you taught me that. That's one of the things that makes you such a great person. And when reflection shows you that you may have been a little off, learn from it. You are who you are because of that path you walked. And I love who you are!

A House Called Home said...

Ashley -
Always the first to give a compliment! One of the many reasons I love you!
Jennie

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