Tuesday, September 10, 2013

I Think It Was Me

We live across the street from my grandma, the girls' great-grandma.  Today my older two are over there helping her do a few things around the house.  Aside from eating lunch with them, Amy and I have had the whole day to ourselves.  

It got me thinking about something.  I think the first time around, when I first got Hannah, I may have been the problem.  

I'm serious.  I have issues.  Just ask my family.  They have a list.  It's pretty long.

Back then I thought I knew what it was going to be like.  I thought I had this whole adoption thing pegged.

I thought wrong.

I didn't know anything.

So I fussed and struggled and complained and made life miserable.  It was one nine-year-old.  Seriously.  I look back now and think, "What was wrong with me?"

To be honest, I made the whole thing harder than it needed to be.  

I try not to be too hard on myself from back then.  After all, I had no idea things were going to ever get better.  Experience is an excellent teacher and this third time around is still a lot of work, but it's not the emotional roller coaster the first one was.

So I sit back today and enjoy my time with the new one.  I appreciate the path I've walked.  I appreciate the changes I've seen, not in her, but in me.  I appreciate the day I can have with her, because today I'm different.

I think it was me all along.


Ashley Kempf said...

You did just what you thought you needed to do. You always do. Remain true to yourself and do what you believe is right--you taught me that. That's one of the things that makes you such a great person. And when reflection shows you that you may have been a little off, learn from it. You are who you are because of that path you walked. And I love who you are!

A House Called Home said...

Ashley -
Always the first to give a compliment! One of the many reasons I love you!

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