Wednesday, January 22, 2014

The Waiting

This is how I feel most days.


For the next stage, the next season, the next something.

But not in all areas. Only in one.

When traveling the road of adoption, the waiting begins when you sign up for the new one.

You prepare the room. You buy the toys. You share your exciting news with family and friends.

And then you wait.

Sometimes the wait is long. Sometimes it's not. Either way she eventually makes her way into your home.

And then you wait.

You wait for the screaming fits to stop. You wait for the lying to subside. You wait for the school to stop calling every day.

And then you wait.

You wait for the feelings to come. You wait for normal to return. You wait for a day that's not so hard.

And then you wait.

You wait for her to say "I love you" and mean it. You wait for the hurts to heal. You wait for her to see herself as part of your family.

And then she does.

One day you turn around and your relationship with her has changed. Through the months and years of waiting, something has happened. Something is different.

And you kinda missed it.

Because you were waiting.

What if today you enjoyed her even if this whole adoption thing looks a lot different than you thought it would? What if today, instead of waiting, you lived life with her? What if today the best she can do is good enough?

Would your day look different?

Mine would.

It doesn't mean we stop teaching and guiding and correcting. It means we stop looking forward to what the next stage will bring and start appreciating what the stage we are at has already brought.

It means enjoying today, even if the person you're enjoying it with is unenjoyable.

Because she just might be.

Actually, if you're anywhere close to the beginning, she probably will be.

And that's okay. Because today holds lots of possibilities.

Even if they don't look how we thought they would.

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