I sat through the training classes. I prepared the room. I made it through the homestudy.
I was ready.
Or so I thought.
The truth was, I wasn't ready. Not for what lay ahead. Not for the trials that were to come.
You see, I'm really good at to-do lists. They're kinda my thing.
You need a complex project tackled? I'm your girl.
A logistical mess straightened out? I live for stuff like that.
Organizational help? That's my middle name.
Emotional roller coasters and children from hard places? I had no idea.
I was at a loss. I had no idea what I was doing. I only knew I was doing it badly. Others came alongside me. They helped me navigate, but when the phone calls ended and the company walked out, I still felt stuck.
Talking about how I felt and strategizing with another who had been down my same road was helpful, but when you're sitting at your kitchen table alone, listening to the screaming and the mean words, it's easy to reminisce about what life was like before she came.
Suddenly that life seems very appealing.
That's why it's so important to decide to stay in the game before she comes. When you are picking out sheets and arranging books on shelves, that is the time to commit, that is when you go all in. If you wait until she arrives on your doorstep, duffel bag in hand, you'll view everything differently. It will seem like a trial run. You'll see if she fits your expectations and if she doesn't, you can just send her back.
But what if you decided to press on even if the journey looks nothing like you expected? Even if it is hard and messy and uncomfortable.
Because some of it will be. And on those hard days and those dark nights you'll need something more than just feelings.
You'll need commitment. You'll need to cling to that calling God gave you back when you were excited, back when you thought it would all look different.
Don't give up when the going gets tough. Cling to the One who is ordering your steps. We don't change directions when things get hard. We can do hard things. We can.
Because no matter how hard you think your life has gotten, her life is still so much harder.