Monday, February 16, 2015

She Ruined My Life

Don't let that sweet smile fool you. Don't get drawn in. I'm warning you. She'll ruin your life.

I know.

Because she ruined mine.

Loving the hard to love is anything but easy. It's hard and messy and doesn't stay in the lines. There are long nights and even longer days. There is screaming and crying and emotions I didn't even know existed.

My predictable schedule and orderly life went out the door as she came in. My kitchen table is scratched. My budget is stretched. No aspect of life has escaped her influence.

Let's go ahead and label any and all plans as tentative. It's just safer that way. Because somebody might fall apart between now and then. And that somebody might be me.

I traded easy and comfortable and predictable for hard, painful and risky.

In the beginning I hated every minute of it.

And then I did it again. And again. And now we have a fourth coming.

Something must have changed.

It did.

I changed. Don't get me wrong, she changed too. But not near as much as me.

I thought I knew what I wanted, but I was wrong. I didn't want safe and predictable. I wanted to follow Jesus and He seldom leads down safe and predictable roads.  The longer I follow Him the more I realize that He keeps me safe, but not because He puts me in safe places. I'm safe because I'm with Him and as long as I'm with Him my circumstances don't have to be safe and predictable.

They can be hard and uncomfortable and I don't always have to understand them because I trust Him.

He knows what He has planned for me. I couldn't be in better hands. It doesn't mean I never make it to the mountaintop. I actually see more views from the top now than I ever did in my predictable, orderly life before adoption.

And I know that I appreciate those views more now than I ever did before.

Our road has been hard, but we were never alone. I'm thankful for every mile we walked.

I've never been more satisfied. I've never been more fulfilled. I've never been closer to the One who directs my every footstep.

Safe and predictable is overrated. I'd rather walk with the One who can make my crooked paths straight.  After all, He's the one who knows where we're heading. I'm content to just walk by His side.

Soon we will welcome sister number four and our life will once again become less easy, less comfortable, and less predictable.

And that gets us a whole bucketload of excited.

1 comment:

Alethea said...

Whoa! Great news! I've missed seeing updates from you, but I imagine it's because you've been busy getting ready for a new addition. Congratulations! (Your back-posts have been very encouraging as we get close to finalizing the adoption of our 11 yo son, who is hard and cute and angry and funny and sad and crazy-in-good-ways-and-bad).

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